March 3, 2022
We humans are social creatures; we are wired for connection with others. Even the most introverted of us need connection on some level. Our innate desire for connection has advanced our evolution, built societies, created cultures, and put the whole world at our fingertips. Connection serves many purposes for us, yet it can come at a cost.
In a world of relationships, establishing healthy boundaries ensures you maintain individuality, sovereignty, and personal empowerment while staying in love and interconnected.
Have you ever thought about your boundaries? Do you know what they are?
For example, I am very protective of my personal time. Life is incredibly busy and my calendar is full. If I don’t set aside time for myself–to unplug and unwind–I am not a happy camper. Whether it’s going for a walk, journaling, meditating, getting out into nature, or even going on a solo trip, I make sure I set time aside to dedicate to myself alone. When I feel I am giving from an empty cup, I may need to set boundaries to those on the receiving end, at least until I am replenished.
Another boundary of mine is balancing work with play. I am happiest when I get outside, play a physical and competitive game like pickleball or soccer, hang with friends, etc. If I feel I have been overworking, I may need to set boundaries regarding my commitments and those I’ve made commitments with.
I can’t expect anyone else to know what my boundaries are unless I know what they are myself. Only then can I communicate them to others. Communication is the second part of the equation and is just as important because without communication, your boundaries cannot be fully realized and honored.
If you have never had boundaries before, establishing them may feel uncomfortable, and even selfish. However, setting boundaries is an act of self-love. Having boundaries helps you to stay safe, empowered, and in love at the same time.
Setting boundaries is not only beneficial to you, but to those around you as well. You are more likely to open up to the experience of connection, prevent resentment, and feel heard and seen when healthy boundaries are in place. As a result, your relationships will flourish, along with your self-esteem.
Most importantly, boundaries are a source of nourishment for mental health.
Boundaries help you to stay in a place of love with the world around you, as they prevent resentment, toxicity, and false expectations. In fact, boundaries promote compassion, kindness, respect, understanding, and acceptance, thus helping you to remain in that place of love.
Love is the foundation of our greatest opportunity and potential, and is our most significant challenge when we are in a place of fear and scarcity. During this polarizing and divisive time, staying in a place of love and generosity allows us to build bridges again and heal the heart of humanity.
Boundaries with people are essential, but what about boundaries with the outside world?
Perhaps you feel you’ve been watching too much mainstream news, and you decide you want to dial it back to protect your mental health, or you prefer to explore alternative news sources that are unbiased. In this day and age when so much information is at our fingertips, we need to be extremely careful with where we put our attention, get information, and seek answers. It’s very important to set boundaries with what we allow into our “field.”
However, be flexible with your boundaries, and add or subtract them as needed. As you go through life, you may realize some boundaries are no longer essential to you, or you may realize new areas where they are needed.
For example, last year when the snowpocalypse hit Austin and the grid went down, I realized just how dependent we are on the grid. I asked myself, do I want to stay dependent on the grid? Or do I want to start having more independence and sovereignty? This might look like having more food storage, alternative fuel sources, flexible currency and different means of exchange, and having a variety, and having a variety of things that will allow me greater resiliency and personal empowerment. As a result of the grid’s collapse, I started setting new boundaries new boundaries with my dependency on resources outside of my home.
When it comes to setting boundaries, the question is: How can you maintain individuality, sovereignty, and personal empowerment while staying interconnected and in love?
This is something to ponder for yourself and to decide from within, as you work to create the boundaries most suitable for you.
To your health,
Dr. Dan
Get healthy. Stay present. Help out.